Let Go
by BoatsAgainstTheCurrent
Summary: Gordon Lachance witnessed the end of one life and the beginning of another in the same few moments. Nothing was so painful as feeling total love for something and feeling total sadness for another. As he recalls his childhood memories, meeting his wife for the first time and becoming her best friend, he realizes he's neglected his son just as much as his own father had him.
1. Prologue

**I would like to dedicate this story to all my reviewers for Hallucinations:**

**kittenphoenix, celestialstarynight/Tedward-The-Awesome, CherryPezFoo, VogueCharlotteVogue/Charly L. Horton, TheDeLorean, Duck, and IAmChrisChambers823. You guys are all amazing and I hope you also like this story. **

**I owe the plot and the title to Cherry. She gave me the whole idea, so thank you so much!**

"Push!" The doctor yelled frantically, a vein popping out of the side of his neck. My wife was lying on the hospital bed, her face beet red, not even able to scream. I could feel her pain as she squeezed down on my hand to the point I felt like it would fall off.

I wiped a bead of sweat off of my forehead. I hated seeing my wife in such excruciating pain, "It's okay honey. You'll pull through." I tried reassuring her, but I could see she wasn't really listening to me. I looked at her stomach, and saw the baby moving. It was an amazing sight, watching your own little baby boy coming into the world.

My wife's face was beginning to change colors, from being red, to turning blue. I tried to contain my pure terror at what I was witnessing, though at the same time I felt a welling up of pride.

My wife began to turn to me as she continued to push. Her face showed the worst signs of pain I had ever witnessed in my life. It made me want to cry, and I could only imagine what she was going through.

The doctor continued to urge my wife to push and she did. She was brave. Nurses were crowding around the bed, watching her every move, ready to hold up the child for the first time.

"Come on, just one more big push! You can do it!" The doctor encouraged her.

I took a huge breath and let it out slowly. This was really happening. I would see my new baby boy in a few moments.

I felt an immense amount of pressure on my fingers as my wife squeezed down again. This was the final push. I saw a vein pop out of her neck and her face became even redder. Her stomach was already flat again, except for the bubble towards the bottom.

A smile began to creep onto my face at the thought that in just a few moments I would be a father, a proud father of my first son.

Then, in an instant, I saw him. I saw his puny little head peaking out at the bottom of the bed. It was wet and slimy but I felt the smile creeping onto my face already. Pure excitement was flooding over me, something I had never felt before.

The doctor and the nurses leapt forward to help guide his gorgeous head into the daylight. The little boy already had deep brown locks on his head, although they were slicked down.

I looked at my wife, and she knew she didn't have to endure the pain much longer. There was already a smile on her face.

"He's almost here," I reassured her.

Now, he was about half way out. His little hands were visible, and I yearned to hold him in my arms. My wife was still grasping onto my hand, but the pressure had vanished. She now held them lovingly, awaiting her baby boy.

The nurses began softly pulling at him, guiding him into this strange new world. My heart beat slowly and steadily, so that I heard hardly anything besides it.

And there he was, with one last light tug, he was truly here. He was ours now, our child. I looked at my wife again, a grin plastered on my face.

She could finally breathe normally, and her face returned to a normal color.

The doctor held our little boy, slick with blood and slime, and he approached us.

"Here's your beautiful baby boy," he said happily, handing him gently into the arms of my wife. He squealed and screamed, his tiny little face red as a beet. I thought my heart might have burst with happiness and pride.

"My sweet little Chris," my wife happily sing-songed as she rocked him in her arms. For the first time, I leant down and touched my child's head, caressing his locks delicately. I looked into his deep, big brown eyes, and held his puny little hand.

Turning to my wife, I kissed her and whispered, "This is amazing." It truly was, something that was a life changing experience.

It was my turn to hold my child. My wife gently lifted him and handed him to me. I felt a tear slip from my eyes as I looked into his. I felt a mixture of pride and joy to call him my son, Christopher Lachance.

After spending a few moments, looking at my new child, I turned back to my wife. The smile that I had seen only a few moments ago, was gone. There was pure terror on her face as she began to sweat. Her eyes were wide and full of the pain I had only witnessed mere minutes ago.

I came to her side, gently placing Chris on her stomach, and held her hand, "What is it sweety."

She placed her right hand caringly on our son, wrapping him into her warm arm.

"Make it stop," she whispered calmly, referencing the pain, a tear slipping from her eye, "Make it go away."

Those were her last words.


	2. Meeting Her

**Hi everyone. I want to thank VogueCharlotteVogue, CherryPezFoo, and celestialstarynight for reviewing chapter one. I'm glad you guys liked it. **

**Here's chapter two. I decided to go back to Gordie's childhood where he reminisces about meeting his wife. Hope you guys like it and review. **

_"His heart stopped twice but yet he survived and as he took his first breath his mother took her last. __And his father knew that he wasn't to blame but he never quite looked at Tom the same after that." -Tea and Toast by Lucy Spraggan_

"Ready for school?" Chris asked me plainly as the guys and I strolled through the small and boring town of Castle Rock. It was a late August day, warm and relaxing, yet we were all in a weird mood. School was beginning soon and the four of us had just returned from one hell of a journey, looking for the body of a dead kid. It was the first real adventure we had ever shared together, one that had completely changed our lives and one that we would never be able to forget.

I shrugged at Chris' question, "I don't know." Who was ever ready for school? No one ever really looked forward to it.

Chris' arm was slung loosely across my shoulder, protecting me from the harsh realities of life, especially life in a small town in the late 50's. Teddy and Vern walked behind us, not really communicating with Chris and I. They would occasionally say something stupid to each other, one of them would get ticked off, and the usual would ensue. Teddy would always end up punching Vern twice in the shoulder, something they called "Two for flinching."

I felt Chris' eyes bore into my cheek for my right. Whenever I said something without showing any emotion, or if I spoke only a few words in a sentence, his face would show all the signs of someone who was worrying. The insides of his eyebrows would lift up into the shape of a triangle, he would purse his lips ever so slightly, and he would retreat back a few steps so that he could look into my eyes. Then, he would ask the ever so expected question, "What's wrong Gordo?"

I always dreaded that question. It made my insides churn and it made me want to run and hide. But with Chris, there was no escaping that question.

I gulped, "Ah nothing, it's just school."

"What about it?" he asked, concern etched on every crease in his face.

"Do you want to go back to that shit hole?" I asked, a small amount of anger rising in me. School to me represented a prison. Though, in a town like Castle Rock, it seemed worse. The place consisted of nothing but hopeless, depressed, crazy people. The most feared gang in the town consisted of seven beer drinking idiots, who found they enjoyed beating up kids nearly half their age. Otherwise, there were many middle aged people in the town. Many stayed home, not daring to step outside, afraid to meet some nightmare they feared. Others went to the Blue Point Diner, where they sat all day, stuffing themselves with food. For Vern especially, it was a happy place, but others loved it as well. It was perhaps the only true nice part of Castle Rock. Other businesses were closed, shut down forever. The town was simply sad.

I looked at Chris again, meeting his gaze. He knew why I didn't want to go back to school. I didn't want to be back under the control of the teachers. He understood it more than anyone. He was Chris Chambers, leader of the little gang that Vern, Teddy, him, and I belonged to. Chris Chambers, son of a drunk and a mother who didn't care. The whole town despised him. As my best friend, I hated seeing him picked on all day. Kids gave him dirty looks, teachers called him by his last name at all times, and when they said it, they said it with pure disgust.

The name was considered filth, muck. Every time someone heard it in town, they tried to ignore it, or they listened in closely. "Oh, I wonder what the Chamber's did now."

Chris looked back at me, his arm still placed on my shoulder, "Come on Gordo, we'll survive."

I wasn't reassured, yet I marveled at how positive my best friend could be. He had it so much worse than I did. I may have lost my brother, the only one who cared for me besides my friends, but he had no one besides us three boys.

"I don't know, junior high." I shook my head. Who knew how much worse it could get?

"Jesus Vern, quick being such a pussy," Teddy suddenly spoke from behind us. A small bug had just landed on Vern's shoulder.

"Get it off!" He shouted, squirming and jumping, trying to brush the insect from him. I shook my head, ignoring the epidemic.

I tried to enjoy the last few days of freedom I had. I saw no point in moping around anymore as I observed my surroundings. I liked walking in this area. It was a small, secluded part of Castle Rock. It was much more beautiful than the downtown area. There were no rusty old cars or boarded up buildings. This was the baseball part of town. There was one huge field that all the children of the town came to with their friends. It was a way to break free from the hell of the every day.

As the four of us walked past it, as we often did, I noticed someone I had never seen before. The person was tall, had long, sleek blonde hair, and was holding a baseball bat. This was no ordinary baseball player though, this player was a girl.

I halted to a stop right at the tall fence of the field and peered through it. Chris, Teddy, and Vern didn't say a word at first. But I stood there a few moments, just watching her play. It was something I had never seen before. Most girls around here didn't go outside unless they absolutely had to. Most stayed inside all day, probably doing their makeup and spraying their hair all up with hairspray. But this girl was unique and different. I was immediately drawn to her. I couldn't take my eyes off of her.

"Jesus Christ, what the fuck are you staring at Gordo?" Teddy asked finally, impatiently, stepping up to the fence.

I didn't take my eyes off of her though, I just kept them glued to her.

"Ohhh, Mr. Lachance here has found himself a lady," Teddy winked, snickering, after realizing what I found so enticing.

"Well well Gordie," he chimed, "I-," He was cut off. In a moment's time, a baseball had come whirling through the air, hitting Teddy full on in the head, "Oww! What the fuck?!" He burst out, grasping his head and leaning forward. Vern broke out in complete laughter while Chris took his hand from my shoulder, beginning to snicker as well.

I couldn't laugh, because the girl was running towards us.

"Aw shit, I'm sorry," she said, breathing heavily as she came to a stop at the fence. Concern was etched on her face, looking over Teddy to make sure he was alright.

"Ah gee thanks for almost killing me," Teddy said rudely, not bothering to look her in the eye.

I shook my head, horrified at his impoliteness, "Don't worry about him. He's always like this."

The girl smiled at me, "That's okay. I don't totally blame him."

There was a moment of awkward silence, in which Teddy held is head, Vern played with a paperclip, and Chris said nothing, which was unsual.

"Um, hey, could you hand me the baseball? I've got a game to finish," the girl smiled, directing her question at me.

"Oh, yeah sure," I answered, immediately responding by leaning down to pick up the ball.

Launching it to her over the fence, I smiled back, hoping I didn't appear weird.

"Thanks," she said gratefully, easily catching the ball, "Well, sorry again for hitting you. Maybe I'll see you guys around soon."

I nodded, not able to say anything. The girl jogged off, disappearing back into the field.

Boy, I hoped she meant what she said.


	3. Go Talk to Her

**Thanks again reviewers! Charlotte, thank you! I'm glad you liked the chapter and how they met. Cherry, I agree with what you said. It is sad that they won't be together forever. Thank you for the review! **

**Okay, I could always use some suggestions and advice. Thanks!**

Going back to the tree house, I tried not to think about the girl so much, but the guys could tell. Teddy especially kept snickering silently. I blushed bright red as I felt my face become warm.

"Shut up Teddy," I snapped. He had begun chanting, "Gordie's got a crush! Gordie's got a crush!" It was loud enough to make the whole town peek their heads out of their windows and spit at Teddy for disturbing them.

Chris rolled his eyes and bored them into the side of my skull. He was grinning on the inside, I could just tell.

I blushed yet again, wishing we could just let it go. At least I had the hope that Vern didn't understand what the hell was going on. He simply followed Teddy, cluelessly smiling and looking at his surroundings.

Something like being awestruck by a girl before even meeting her had never happened to me before. I had hardly ever even had a crush on any girl in my short lifetime. All the girls in my grade had always been either weird, disturbing, mean, or all of the above. In first grade, Kara Green shoved around all the guys in the class, giving them bruises when she punched them. She even targeted Chris once. In second grade, Marcie Johnson would do people's homework for the hell of it. Patty Jackson, in third grade, managed to sit in the corner by herself all year long, being a loner. And the cycle went on. It was only a year beforehand, in six grade, that I had ever been interested in a girl. She was a writer, just like me, and she was shy, just like me. But the both of us never managed to build up the courage to talk to one another. She ended up moving to Dallas before I had the chance.

Chris was still staring at me once we got to the tree house, and I was still blushing.

"Would you stop staring at me," I said, half jokingly, half seriously. I turned to face him. He was now grinning on the outside.

"Jesus Gordo, come on, we know you like that girl." He said, raising his eyebrows.

"Okay, so, maybe I do!" I exclaimed, exasperated. Teddy, Chris, and Vern stood back, aghast, probably not expecting me to admit it. But what was the point?

I had never faced this before. Though the guys and I were inseparable friends, we never really talked about girls much with each other.

Chris walked towards me, draping his arm around my shoulder, "Then talk to her."

I laughed, as if it were that simple. I knew nothing whatsoever about girls. I just knew that they were confusing. But then again, this girl didn't seem so confusing.

Chris looked at me as I thought it through. He seemed to think this was easy, but he was the one, if anyone, that knew how to charm a girl. If he weren't 'that Chambers kid' of town, he would easily have every girl.

I looked back at him, my face still red, "Man, I have no clue where the hell she lives or if she even goes to school here."

Chris stood back, "You haven't seen her at school before? I always see her in the halls between classes."

"Oh," I said. I wanted to have an excuse not to come near her again. She seemed hard to talk to. And we didn't really seem to have anything in common, considering she had been playing baseball when we met.

"You gotta go talk to her man," Teddy said sincerely. There was no sign of a smirk or snicker lingering anywhere on his face.

I looked at him with suspicion, detecting something.

"She was hot! And tough! Best combo ever!" Teddy laughed. And there it was.

"Are you sure she's for you man?" Teddy questioned, "You're more of a shy guy. Maybe Ally Mason is a better choice."

"Shut up Teddy," Chris said, slightly angrily. Teddy had been referring to the weirdest girl in the 7th grade. She actually looked kind of like him, but she was definitely nicer.

"At least she's nicer and better looking than you are," Chris looked at Duchamp, grinning after his remark.

I laughed with him, while Teddy fumed, "Eat shit Chambers!" He walked off and up into the tree house.

Vern was still standing awkwardly behind us, not saying a word. He looked confused.

"Yeah, well, Teddy's right about one thing," Chris turned back to me, "You have to go talk to her."

Maybe they were right.

Chris looked me straight in the eyes, "This opportunity doesn't come around all that often in a person's life time. You have to just go for it."

With that, he walked off, following Teddy, and leaving me with the clueless Vern.


	4. Jessica

I knew Chris and Teddy were right, though I hated to admit it. I had to say something to her. I couldn't just ignore her and wait for something to happen.  
I stared at Vern. He simply stood alone near the treehouse, not saying a word. He was such an unusual boy at times.  
"What do you think Verno?" I asked him, "Should I talk to her?"  
"Talk to whom?" He asked me, cluelessly, a bead of sweat rolling down his forehead.  
Typical, I should have known.  
Sighing, "The girl we just talked to at the baseball field."  
After a moment of thinking, (I could literally see the gears turning inside Vern's pea-sized brain), there was a sudden light bulb, "Oh, right!" Vern jumped up enthusiastically, a smile spread across his face, "Sure, talk to her. She was pretty."  
The way he said pretty, with a faint redness in his face and distant look, made me think of a little boy being put in a trance by something like fireworks.  
Fine, I was overruled. I had no excuse anymore not to talk to the girl. I was outnumbered. Three guys against me, even Vern.  
Sighing again, I shrugged. I had no choice.  
Readjusting my canteen, I left Vern to fend for himself. If I didn't get myself to talk to her now, I would never be able to do it.  
It was back to the field, back to the scorching sun of Castle Rock summers. It was back to the streets that no outsider ever saw, back to the hidden secrets with in the town.  
Walking, I mowed through new story ideas, mumbling to myself with every step.  
After only a few minutes of strolling, a churning began to grow inside of me. It became so powerful, it threatened to come up out of my throat at any moment. I tried swallowing, but to no avail. I tried breathing deeply, still nothing. I even considered going back, but when I began to hear Teddy's voice inside of my head... "Pussy!", I decided it best to keep moving.  
The scorching heat of August didn't help my nervousness. My shirt was clingy and suddenly I felt like I was sloshing in my own sweat within my keds. I wondered, "How can one girl make someone so nervous?"  
It was a question left unanswered.  
After an eternity of walking, as I had tried to make myself take a long time, I arrived at the field.  
I took a quick gulp as I glanced at the girl. She was still in the midst of her game, and as far as I could tell, she was good at it. I kept hearing the pang of the baseball bat against the ball and the dust flying up into the air, spinning into miniature tornadoes.  
I stood silently in awe watching this enticing girl, until my eyeballs went dry.  
And then, I heard the sudden whirring of a baseball. It seemed to be growing louder and nearer. It took me a moment to look up and locate the sound, but when I did, sure enough, it was too late. I was already on the ground. My head was pounding and I lifted my hand to feel the damage. There didn't seem to be any blood, but there was definitely a big bump.  
"Jesus," I murmured.  
Before I knew it, I saw a pair of keds next to me. Then, I saw a head of long blonde hair with eyes etched with worry.  
"Shit, how does this keep happening?" The girl whispered to herself, "I'm so sorry."  
I shook my head, "No problem," I managed.  
She smiled and reached out her hand in an offer to help me up. I accepted, taking her hand with one of mine, and holding my pounding head with the other.  
"I'm Jessica," the girl said immediately as I faced her.  
"I'm Gordie," I replied, trying my best to smile at her.  
"Nice to meet you," she then stated, firmly gripping my hand.  
"Nice to meet you too."  
"Sorry again about that. I don't know how something like that can happen twice in one day," Jessica said, looking down at the ball that had landed by the fence.  
"Don't worry about it," I replied, "Honestly. It's alright."  
I immediately wished I would say more. Damn the shyness!  
Jessica continued to smile at me, but she finally dropped my hand from hers.  
"Look, I'd love to talk more, but I have to go back home now. My mom wanted me home a half an hour ago," she looked at me a truly apologetic look.  
"Oh," I managed a small laugh,"Okay, I'll see you later then."  
"Definitely," came the reply, "It'd be cool to see you again soon."  
I nodded, about to say something more, but she was already off in the other direction, baseball in hand.  
I stared at her a moment longer, watching her disappear into the distance.  
It took me a moment to realize, she had said she wanted to see me again.  
A glowing in my stomach replaced the churning. A smile spread onto my face and I could ignore the pounding on my head. Yes, it had been a good idea to talk to her.  
I knew Chris would be incredibly proud. He was like a father in that sense. I could picture him already, a gleam in his eye. He would immediately hang his arm around my shoulder and congratulate me.  
Teddy I could also picture. He would simply shout around and perhaps jump a little, exclaiming his joy and happiness for me.  
Vern would be unpredictable, because that's the type of person he was. He was simply Cherry Pez- loving Vern, the unpredictable, jolly little boy. He always seemed to be in a good mood, except for the times he was out in the woods and suspected coyotes.  
I marched happily and carelessly back to the tree house. What did I expect? A happy return, with the boys playing gin rummy and smoking a cigarette. What did I get? Not that, that's for sure.


	5. Photographs

**Hey guys :) I know, I haven't updated in forever! It's been wayyy too long! So I decided it's about time that I post again :D This chapter is back into the present day just shortly, to show how Gordie has been reminiscing and handling everything and such :) I really hope you guys enjoy it and review :)**

Present Day

I ended my reminiscing for a moment as I straightened up in my chair and fiddled with a photograph that was sitting in front of me. It could bring tears to me eyes when I stared at it for so long. It was simply a gorgeous photo.  
My wife, with long flowing blonde hair sat snuggled up next to me, her head comfortably fitting into the crook between my shoulder and neck. Her eyes were glowing with pure happiness; her teeth were pearly white, something I had never believed was natural, even when she told me with sincerity that they were. I admired her dimples in the picture; they were clearly visible with the huge grin glued to her face.  
Then there was me, supporting her as we both sat on the bench in the place we had met. I as well was smiling broadly, resting my head on hers lightly. My short, dark brown hair looked slightly disoriented from the breeze that was blowing around us. I was wearing only a light t-shirt, while my wife was bundled in a long, fall-red colored coat.  
Behind us, I could recognize the dusty old baseball field, where I had met Jessica. I remembered the times I walked up there, leaving the main part of town just to visit her. I recalled the time a baseball had hit my old friend Teddy in the nose and he got upset; I also remembered the time the same thing had happened to me.  
I set the photo down on the desk, trying to keep the tears from overflowing.  
My desk, not to mention the whole house, was heavy with old pictures of Jessica, and it was interesting because I wanted to keep those pictures so dearly, but at the same time it was horribly painful having to see her everywhere I went.  
I passed pictures of us from all different time periods; there was our very first picture together, which also included the rest of the gang. Chris was on my left, his shoulder slung around me. Jessica was on my right, leaning into me and smiling brightly at the camera. Vern was happily kneeling in the front, and Teddy stood awkwardly next to Jessica.  
I could remember all too clearly where and when that was taken.  
Junior High Graduation, 1960.  
Then there were photos I passed that brought back some other nice memories; High school graduation, camping trips, random days out, dates (which Chris insisted to come on at times), bowling nights, snowball fights, and other crazy things.  
Those were the memories that brought smiles to my face and made me want to shed a tear at the same time.  
Of course, there were other photos that were harder to walk past. Some of them I kept buried in a box somewhere up in the attic, or tucked away safely in my closet. Those were the pictures that couldn't bring a smile to my face, the pictures that only brought a stinging feeling to my throat, the feeling that one gets when they are trying not to burst into tears.  
One of those pictures was none other than Chris' funeral.  
A crispy night in October. Everyone dressed darkly in black and sobbing into handkerchiefs.  
His coffin had been carefully decorated with flowers of all colors and varieties and old pictures of him and I and the other two boys.  
I remember not letting myself cry, while my wife allowed one single tear to drop to the earth from her cheek.  
I got up slowly from my seat in my office and paced the room, busying myself with looking at each picture, pointing out key details in each one.  
Nowadays I tended to lose myself in a world where only my late wife existed. I let myself be carried into that, only because I didn't want to try to regain a joy in my life.  
Another photograph caught my attention as I paced the study. This one was just of me and the boys in the tree house, and I recognized almost instantly that it had been taken by Vern's camera the day I met Jessica.  
Right where I had left off my reminiscing...  
I went back to my chair and sat down slowly, picking up the picture of Jessica and I, looking at it for a moment, and then letting my mind wander back into the past.

**I'm sorry if it's a bit short. Next chapter we'll get right back into it :)**


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